Weaning

We’re struggling with the weaning. I didn’t wanted to go cold turkey because of engorgement, and I was hoping Chunguita would be able to let go of nursing sessions.

We did great when we went from 5/day to 2/day. On Saturday, I cut out the early AM session. Chunguita is not happy about it. I still let her come and get into bed with me, but say no to any nursing requests. She tries to lift up my shirt and sleep bra to nurse.

I’m not sure if I’m going to cut out the last session next Saturday or not. We’re going camping in Yosemite Sunday to Tuesday. In
consideration of the other campers, I think I’ll wait a week to cut out the bedtime session.

I wish I could explain this to Chunguita and talk it over with her. I think she wants us to have a baby. She talks about babies all the time and tells me how much she likes them. They go to visit the babies from the toddler room at daycare. She asked if we could have one at home.

Me/You

Chunguita is trying to work out the difference between Me and You.

DH & I used to say to her: Do you want me to carry you?
So when Chunguita was asking to be picked up, she would say: Carry you!
Now, she says, “Up.”

I don’t know if she is doing this one deliberately or not. She just started repeating what I tell her to say into the phone.
It used to be
Me: Say Granny, I love you.
Chunguita: Granny, I love you.

Currently
Me: Say Granny, I love you.
Chunguita: Granny, I love me.

Big Doggie

My brother gave Chunguita a stuffed animal dog that’s bigger than she is for Christmas. Chunguita likes to lie on it and carry it around. She grabs it around the middle just under the front legs and drags it. It’s so cute cause it’s bigger than she is.

This morning, she wanted to open the side lights on the door to look at and listen to the birds. Then she went and got the dog, carried him to the window, oriented his head to look out, and said, “Look. Birds!”

“BIRDS!!!”

“Fly away”

elevated FSH -> not get pregnant

I talked to the fertility specialist this morning, and she was more positive about cutting out the breastfeeding having a big effect than she was last night. She said if I quit nursing, she’ll test me again. She wouldn’t say that it would improve my chances, because I am over 35, but she was more positive.

She didn’t know about the ibuprofen. She said that she’s seen several cases of elevated FSH for women who were taking large doses of ibuprofen, but the literature doesn’t have anything on it. Apparently the mechanism that I had read about isn’t related to FSH.

So it looks like I’m going to have to wean Chunguita.

That makes me sad, too.

Oh, and BH is going to have his operation.

Green Food

Chunguita i loves green food, especially brocolli, asparagus, peas, and cucumber. I don’t like lima beans, or legumes in general, so we don’t have them very often. I tell DH I’ll happily eat whatever he makes, but he knows that I don’t like them and picks other stuff to make.

She’s a good, if intermittent, eater.

FSH

FSH is the folicle stimulating hormone. The pituitary releases it to stimulate ovulation. My levels are very high which means that the pituitary is working very hard to get me to ovulate without getting any response back from the eggs. If the eggs responded, the FSH levels wouldn’t be so high.

There isn’t much they can do about this because the problem is usually that the eggs are too old.

It could be the ibuprofen and/or the nursing. Weaning Chunguita is going to be difficult.

Test Results

I just got my results back from the clomid challenge (100 mg of clomid from day 5 to day 9). It’s bad news.

FSH Day 3 was 16
FSH Day 10 was 12.5

11 would be borderline. Over 11 indicates that my eggs are of poor quality.

There is still hope if I can get off the ibuprofen (for sciatica) and wean Chunguita.

I’m sad.

Urologist Update

The urologist was not optimistic for us. Urologist thinks that DH has had the vericocele for a long time, like 20 years, and that the testicle has atrophied. It’s much smaller than the other testicle. Urologist said that we could go ahead with the operation, but we might not see any improvement. We’re going ahead.

I still have to go thru a cycles worth of tests. I’m so glad the clomid is over. I’m not sure I could bear that for several months to get pregnant.

IUI may be in our future.

Holidays

I haven’t colored easter eggs with Chunguita, yet. I think she is still too little for me to be able to bear it. The other thing is that she doesn’t know what easter is, yet, so she doesn’t miss it.

Of course, this year, DH & I were building a patio the Saturday before Easter while Abuelo played with Chunguita, so any egg coloring was a pipe dream. We moved 2 tons (US) of rock. I was so tired but not that sore.

I think when she is older and understands what is going on wrt coloring eggs a little better, we will try it. But right now, coloring eggs would be me and/or DH struggling to watch her and keep her entertained while I/DH colored the eggs. I don’t think that would be fun for any of us. She colored an egg at daycare, and we ate it the next day.

She did like scooping the stuff out of the pumpkins at daycare. The only Christmas cookies that I made this year were the ones from a tube that you slice. My secretary won’t give us support unless we play along with her plans for the holidays, so we all have to sign up to bring in food before Xmas. I stayed home from work to make those stupid cookies, and I told my manager that I wasn’t going to charge vacation or personal time for it either because it was a work requirement. He laughed and had a cookie.

We do decorate, but let me put the emphasis on WE. DH likes it, too. If he didn’t want to do it, too, we probably wouldn’t do it. The reality of the situation is that I can’t watch her and do the decorating. I certainly couldn’t watch more than 1 kid and do decorating.

My mother struggled with the supermom thing and resented us all. My father did what he could do and let the rest of it go. It was much easier for my father. I decided that I was going to be like him. Easy to say; much, much harder to do. But once I made that decision, I could take a deep breathe and remember that I had given myself permission to not do things like make cookies/gingerbread house, decorate, carve pumpkins, and so forth.

I love doing that stuff, and I have a large streak of Martha, the domsetic dominetrix, in me. But I also work fulltime and want to play with my daughter. Those 2 things are higher on the list.