I was asked what I eat for lunch. Usually, I have a vegetable of some
sort, which I must because that is part of my personal eating formula,
so I have a pound of carrots or 4 C of cooked brocolli or 4 cups of
squash, etc. Sometimes, I eat leftovers, but usually, I have a whole
wheat pita with peanutbutter (Adam’s) and a little jelly. Over the
course of the day, I have 2-3 decaf, nonfat capucinnos, 3-4 apples, 1-2
nonfat yogurts. I like to eat the samething every day. So I might
mix up the veggies or the fruit, but it’s basically the same.
I had a good meeting with the shrink today. She validated my feelings
that BH does not listen to me. And I asked for help. Because I have
an eating disorder, I’m hyper aware of what other people eat. I always
notice. I thought that was normal. I’ve successfully made the
transition to a whole foods breakfast: oatmeal, nonfat milk, banana,
and chopped nuts. But I lost the battle in a meeting yesterday
morning. I held out against the evil donut from 8 am until almost 10.
By then I was hungry and hyper aware of the donut (I’m going to die if
I don’t have the donut). I had the donut. I knew that once I had that
donut, I’d eat the one(s) waiting for me in the office suite, but I
still couldn’t hold out. And sure enough, I had a donut when I got up
to my office, the next time I walked by the evil food, the donuts were
gone, so I had a bagel. On the 3 subsequent trips, I got a brownie.
For those of you unfamiliar with eating disorders, it’s very similar to
alcoholism in that once you have the first drink/”donut”, it’s all over
and you can’t stop the next one and the next one and the next one.
So I asked her how can I prevent it. She said that normals don’t
notice the bag of food that I should carry around with me. So I’m
going to carry a bag of food to meetings and stuff.
I’m still working on the transition at dinnertime. The whole foods
diet does not particularly appeal to Chunguita and Pulguito, and I may have to
further complicate things by eliminating wheat completely.
I have my appointments with the nutritionist and the pill-dispensor