Ugh! I had a breakdown today. I hate this apsect of changing medication. We’re trying to get out of the house to go to one of Pulguito’s friend’s house for a birthday party. Chunguita slams Pulguito’s head in the doorway to her room while trying to keep him out. So, he’s crying. She is, of course, contrite. She didn’t want to hurt him, just keep him out of her room. I scold her for trying to slam the door; it’s more of an “this is why I tell you not to slam the doors” lecture than anything, but she knows that I’m displeased. She hides behind the door and crys. I drag her out of there to try and get her dressed, but she fights me, screaming, yelling, and kicking. I put her down on her bed.
Pulguito immediately climbs up on her be. I think he was trying to comfort her, but who knows. She kicks him in the head. She’s crying, he’s crying, and BH is no where to be found. When I finally find him, he’s sitting in the garage eating a bagel. WTF! I manage to hand off a crying Pulguito to him, but shit! you think he could have stirred his ass to help us get ready. It’s 10:55 am; the party starts at noon, and he’s eating a bagel! WTF was he thinking?
I get Chunguita dressed, and go get Pulguito who is poopy. On the way in, he manages to crack one of the skulls on my just made calavera necklace. I don’t lose it, but I tell Pulguito that I’m upset that the necklace is broken. BH finally stirs himself and comes in to get Pulguito ready. DH asks what happened, and I tell him about the necklace. He says nothing. He knows that I just made it.
Then as we are getting in the car, DH decides to ride in the back with the kids. He had opened the front door and left it open. I asked him to close the door before he climbs into the back of the car. He’s pissed. Fine, I’ll close the door. No, he climbs out and closes the door. Why is he mad? And, of course, I think he’s mad at me. I blame myself. I started to cry on the way to the party.
Now, looking back, I know that I am in no way responsible for his reaction over closing the door. It’s just one of those things that he’s jerky about. It would have been nice if he had offered condolences over the necklace. However, when I was in a depressed place, I was unable to handle those things. Everything swirls around in my head, and I dig myself deeper and deeper into the depression.
I didn’t use self-talk to buck myself up. Instead, I told myself that I had to be presentable for the party. The self-talk came after the party, and it is still useful.
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