Authentic Happiness

Authentic Happiness

I took the VIA strengths test (at the suggestion of my therapists), and my top 4 strengths are:

Humor and playfulness
You like to laugh and tease. Bringing smiles to other people is important to you. You try to see the light side of all situations.

Fairness, equity, and justice
Treating all people fairly is one of your abiding principles. You do not let your personal feelings bias your decisions about other people. You give everyone a chance.

Love of learning
You love learning new things, whether in a class or on your own. You have always loved school, reading, and museums-anywhere and everywhere there is an opportunity to learn.

Curiosity and interest in the world
You are curious about everything. You are always asking questions, and you find all subjects and topics fascinating. You like exploration and discovery.

The Fallout

Not the ionizing kind. (ha, ha, a geek joke)

If you recall, I had a bit of a breakdown last week because I felt betrayed. This was not the first time that I’ve had this sort of fit. This time was different because I was able to fill out my Monitoring Thoughts Worksheet (MTW). When one is caught up in a maelstrom, it is very difficult to escape it, and that’s exactly what a MTW is. It’s an escape route. I knew it helped me break away from all the thoughts swirling around in my head. They seem so true, but when I write them down, identify the feelings and distortions, I am able to stop the swirling and challenge the distortions.

What I didn’t realize is that I do myself serious damage after the fact, too. That is, even at my sickest, I recognised that I over-reacted to whatever the triggering event was. That lead to feelings of inadequacy, failure, guilt, etc, etc. So not only is the eating disorder fueled by the fit, but it is fueled even more in the aftermath. Doing the MTW stopped most of that.

In the past, I probably would have restricted and over-exercised, which would have been followed by a binge (because I was hungry and because of the continued onslaught of negative emotions), which would have been followed by furthing purging and restricting behavior, followed by binging, and so on.

I did have a binge last night, but all things considered, that is a wild success.