What does my name mean?

There are 20 letters in your name.
Those 20 letters total to 99
There are 9 vowels and 11 consonants in your name.

Your number is: 9

The characteristics of #9 are: Humanitarian, giving nature, selflessness, obligations, creative expression.

The expression or destiny for #9:
The expression that you exhibit is represented bythe number 9. Your talents center in humanistic interests and approaches. You like to help others as you were intended to be the ‘big brother or big sister’ type. You operate best when you follow your feelings and sense of compassion, and allow yourself to be sensitive to the needs of others. You work well with people, and have the potential to inspire. This suggests that you could successfully teach or counsel. Creative ability, imagination and artistic talent (often latent) of the highest order are present in this expression. It’s possible that you’re not using or developing all of these capabilities at this time. Some of your talents may have been used at an earlier time in your life, and some may still be latent. Be aware of your capabilities, so that you can make use of them at appropriate times.

If you are able to achieve the potential of your natural expression in this life, you are capable of much human understanding and have a lot to give to others. Your personal ambitions are likely to be maintained in a very positive perspective, never losing sight of an interest in people, and a sympathetic, tolerant, broad-minded and compassionate point of view. You are quite idealistic, and disappointed at the lack of perfection in the world. You have a strong awareness of your own feeling as well as those of others. Friendships, affection, and love are extremely important.

Undeveloped or ignored, the negative side of the 9 expression can be very selfish and self-centered. If you do not actively involve yourself with work that benefits others, you may tend to express just the opposite characteristics. It is your role to be very involved with other people and their needs, but it may be difficult for you achieve this role. Aloofness, lack of involvement, and a lack of sensitivity mark the low road of this expression.

Your Soul Urge number is: 5

A Soul Urge number of 5 means:
The 5 soul urge or motivation would like to follow a life of freedom, excitement, adventure and unexpected happening. The idea of travel and freedom to roam intrigues you. You are very much the adventurer at heart. Not particularly concerned about your future or about getting ahead, you can seem superficial and unmotivated.

In a positive sense, the energies of the number 5 make you very adaptable and versatile. You have a natural resourcefulness and enthusiasm that may mark you as a progressive with a good mind and active imagination. You seem to have a natural inclination to be a pace-setter. You are attracted to the unusual and the fast paced.

You may be overly restless and impatient at times. You may dislike the routine work that you are engaged in, and tend to jump from activity to activity, without ever finishing anything. You may have difficulty with responsibility. You don’t want to be tied down to a relationship, and it may be hard to commit to one person.

Your Inner Dream number is: 4

An Inner Dream number of 4 means:
You dream of being a very solid citizen that people can depend upon. You strive for organization and predictable order. You want to be recognized as a person with a plan and the discipline to make that plan work like clockwork.

What does your name mean?

Swimming

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I went swimming for the first time since I fell on my knee. It’s very difficult for me when I’m not exercising. The black and white thinking take over: “Since you’re not working out you’re going to get fatter, so what the hell, eat the donuts, eat the candy, eat, eat, eat.” Very stressful.

I only swam for 20 minutes. My knee started hurting. It was swollen when I got out of the pool.

Go on TV??? Part 2

The whole impetus to my previous post on this topic was that I couldn’t tell Mandy why I was hesitant to go on the TV show. I feel shame when it comes to talking about my reluctance/fear of talking with DH about some things.

Shame really holds a person back. And it’s what is holding me back from getting well.

One of my therapists observed that, “You are so assertive in other areas. What is going on with your husband?” Because of previous abusive behavior on his part, the group and I decided that fear was what was holding me back, but now, I don’t think so. Sure, there probably is some fear there. I mean, how many times to you have to stick your hand in the fire before you become afraid of being burned? OTOH, shots hurt, but sometimes they are worth it, like if you are diabetic.

I think shame is a bigger player. When I get into these sorts of situations, whether I’m talking to Mandy, DH, group, or someone else, I feel that wiggly uneasiness in my tummy. That’s embarrassment or shame more than fear. I think I’m ashamed with Mandy because I “should” be able to talk to my husband about anything. He’s supposed to be my best friend, my confidant, my support, etc. etc., and I am those things back to him. Obviously, I don’t feel that way.

Now, why is it shame when I’m talking to him? I feel a thought record coming on.

Mood: 😯 hopped up on caffiene