Tree that has the lichen.
However, I think I’ve figured out how to tell if I’m sick or if I’m depressed.
Yesterday, at work, I’m sitting at my computer trying to figure out what’s wrong with me. I can barely concentrate. I can barely stay awake. Oh, no, I think, is it the depression coming back? NONONO!!!
Well, it could be. I got that news that I’m going to have to find another job, and I am really bummed about it. I wanted to stay in this job until I retire. I don’t want to go work in surety or on RRW. I like this job. I don’t have to smooze with a lot of people. I can work by myself mostly with some interaction with others. I was learning a lot. So when I lost that position, I lost a lot. There’s reason to be sad.
Am I sad? Yes, but why am I so de-energized? To battle the lack of energy, I take action. I make the call about the surety job, and the person is out of the office for this week. It’s a sign that I should go home and take a nap. I love being salaried. Sure, I don’t get overtime, but I can take a nap.
I get home, and there’s DH. “Why are you home?” I ask. He has a sore throat, and he feels like crap.
Like the eager exerciser that I am, I set my alarm for 5 am to go swimming. All of a sudden, it’s 5 am? Am I going swimming? No. I feel like crap, and I have a sore throat.
When it comes time to floss and brush my teeth, I do it. And there’s the difference. When I’m depressed, I can’t make myself floss. I just can’t. It’s not like I’m jumping for joy at the thought of flossing when I’m not depressed, but I want to do it. I want to take care of myself. When I’m sick and de-energized, I think, ugh, I don’t wanna floss, but it’s good for me, so I floss. When I’m depressed, the thoughts go more like ugh, I don’t wanna floss, but it’s good for me, so I should floss. Once the shoulds start, it’s all over for me.