Te Papa

Diego likes Abuela
Diego likes Abuela

One of the first things that we did was to visit Te Papa. I think we took the bus there. We took the bus somewhere. Diego loves the bus. We stopped along the way to get a bubble tea. Alas, they were closed which was actually a good thing. I think Eina would have murdered Jack right there if we had had one without her.

Floor at Te Papa
Floor at Te Papa

Te Papa was neat. I asked if it was okay to take flash photography, and it was, but they asked that I observe artist copyright and not take any photos of art by itself. I didn’t feel comfortable taking any pictures after that.

The only picture that I took inside was one of the floor. I think the accent is Paua shell. It’s like abalone. I thought this was a wonderfully creative way to take advantage of the shell.


Group was brutal today.

On the last Tuesday of the month, we do “Body Image”. I hate body image day, but I know it’s good for me to go.

Today, we wrote a letter saying good-bye to our ideal body. It was really hard for me. I started to cry. My ideal body is something smaller than I have now. Let’s say 50 pounds overweight instead of 100 pounds overweight. Why do I want to be smaller? Diabetes is one reason. Do I really have to list all the obesity related health concerns?

During group, I was absolutely unable to let go of that ideal. I went in for All or Nothing distortions. Either I keep the ideal, or I embrace my fatness and rot from the inside out from diabetes (which I don’t have).

It fucking sucks to have an eating disorder because that distortion seems perfectly reasonable to me. I’m told it is not, but I still feel stuck in a lose-lose position.

On the way out from group, I had a sudden, blinding flash. I’ve always thought my ED motivations were health driven. I ate carrots, apples, and skim milk, all healthy foods. I drank lots of water. I exercised a lot. I have accepted that I took all of those things to an extreme that most would call a psychosis. ED was always under the umbrella of health. Perhaps I will move this thought & shame from one umbrella to another as well.

My knee hurts

But hopefully, the trip to the PT will change that.

I fell on my knee about 2 years ago, and it swelled up like an orange. I went to the doc who x-rayed it, took it easy, then resumed my normal activity. It got all better, pretty much by itself.

I fell on my knee about a year ago. It did not swell up. I did not go tot he doc because I figured the same thing would happen as last time. It did not get better.

I decided enough was enough and went to see the doc. I can walk, but it hurts a bit. I can NOT ride my bike, swim, and climbing stairs is very painful.

The doc couldn’t find anything wrong that necessitate surgery which is good ’cause I’d really rather not have surgery. He sent me off to the PT.

The PT told me to stop doing the leg extentions, that they are probably aggravating my knee. I have good flexibility and my arches are good. However, I tend to lock my knees straight when I stand, and I’m a bit knock-kneed. She taught me a strengthening exercise that is deceptively hard to do. I need to tighten the quad muscle on the inside of my knee. It’s really hard to do, mostly because I’m unaware that the muscle is even there.

So anyway, I do that for 5 reps of 5 seconds 5 times a day for the next 6 weeks with a bit of stretching. Then it’s back to the PT.

I really hope that in 6 weeks things will be better, at least enough better so that I can swim or ride my bike.

Pictures, At Last

I just know my 5 readers have been dying to see some pictures of my niece and nephew. Ha, ha. My mother and sister are, tho, and I suppose my brother and SIL are, too.

Between sending my ‘pooter off to the ‘pooter doc and being on too damn much business travel, I just haven’t had chance to look at them, much less upload and post.

So here is the first of many posts on them. I call this one: Diego’s Easter Egg Hunt.

Oh, and if you click on an image, you will go to Flickr and can see large versions of the pix.

The Amazing DiegoEaster Egg HuntIMG_6203_editedThe LootIMG_6205_editedHe really does like it.IMG_6206_editedPrelude to a temper tantrum.

He had the most amazing temper tantrum after eating that chocolate bunny.

Poor little boy.

How to renumber COM ports.

1. Control Panel
2. System
3. Hardware
4. Device Manager
5. Ports (COM & LPT)

And from there you can renumber your port.

Why, in this age of USB ports, would one want to know how to change a COM port number?

I have a pc, not a mac, because of my embroidery software. It only runs on a pc … or it only ran on a pc when I was buying my laptop; that was several years ago.

This software, which has been updated since the age of USB ports started, uses a COM port, AND it will only use COM ports 1-4. When I add the USB-to-COM adapter to my system, I usually get COM port 8 added.

This question comes up every so often on the mailing list, so I decided to document my response so I can look it up next time.

Maybe I’ll start a FAQ.

My shame

Shame is the emotion that keeps an eating disorder going. One of my many therapists likes to say, “You can’t recover if you are coming from a place of shame.”

We did an exercise is group the other day that pushed my shame up so far that I could no longer deny it. It was a simple exercise. We were to list the times that we felt fat. We were not allowed to say “All the time”. However, I state that, categorically, a person with an eating disorder (almost) always “feels” fat. Was there enough qualification in that last sentense?

So when do I feel fat?

  1. When I fill up a chair, I feel fat.
  2. When I can feel my breasts, tummy, or inner thighs touch another body part.
  3. When I can’t keep up with others when walking or climbing stairs.

I’m sure there’s more, but it was very painful for me to admit those.

I couldn’t bear to look up when I said them aloud in group.

So I’m confronting my shame. We’ll see.