8 Things

I was tagged by Josi.

A. Each tagged person must post 8 things about themselves on their journal.

B. At the end, you have to choose and tag 8 people.

  1. My eldest brother is 15 years older than I am, and my youngest brother is 15 months younger than I am.
  2. My eldest niece is 34, and my youngest niece is 1. And I have a grand nephew who is older than my kids.
  3. I don’t perm my hair. I style it by washing it, going to sleep with it wet, and combing it out in the morning. I haven’t dyed my hair in years.
  4. I like to make people laugh. I like to laugh. My husband does not appreciate my sense of humor.
  5. I have spent much of my adult life clinically depressed yet happy.
  6. I’m a sloppy slob, and it drives my husband nuts.
  7. I love bright colors, pretty things, children, dogs, and birds singing.
  8. I really, really dislike one of my therapists. She is part of a team of 3, but one of them had to go back home to take care of her parents. I have a good rapport with the other therapist. The one that I dislike is constantly sunshiney cheerful makes me want to slap her. She annoys me. She has helped me. But, damn, she annoys me.

Okay, tag 8 people. I’d tag Heather, but if she has a blog, she hasn’t told me about it.

Phyllis, Liza, Lori, Mom2fur, tini, Stephanie, Beth, and Dan

Why do I need to be beautiful?

So today was Body Image Day at group. We do body image on the last Tuesday of every month, and food logs on the first Tuesday. We talked about mirrors. Mirrors are the enemy of those afflicted with an eating disorder. I suppose that no one really sees what she wants in the mirror. When I used to look in the mirror, I hated what I saw. It wasn’t just that I was displeased with … oh … I dunno … my unruly hair, for example. No, I hated what I saw. And then I would start to berate myself for being so weak, for eating, for being stupid, for being such a total loser, and then I hated myself.

On the advice of my therapist, I stopped looking in mirrors. Now, I pretty much only look in the mirror when I’m brushing my hair, putting on makeup, waxing my eyebrows, or fitting a garment that I’m making.

I don’t check to see how my outfit looks.

I really try to avoid looking at my reflection in windows. It only leads to self flagellation.

I don’t know that the two are related, but I was looking in the mirror the other day and wondering why I thought I needed to be beautiful. What would it change? I’d still be married to the same guy. I’d still have two great kids. Diego would still be dead. My brother and his family would still be living very far away. Ha, all my brothers would be. My sister would still have her struggles. My parents would still be old. I’d still have my cushy job. I’d still get paid great for my cushy job. I’d still be popular, well liked, with lots of friends. I could go on and on.

Maybe the turning point for me was “Diego would still be dead.” Somehow I thought that everything would be better if I was thin. Oh, beautiful = thin. My marriage would be better. I’d be a better parent. I’d be better at my job. I’d be more respected. I’d have more friends, and they would be better friends. Everything would be better.

Except that Diego would still be dead. My being thin won’t make that any better. My being fat doesn’t make it any worse.

The eating disorder does make it worse. Instead of just being sad that Diego is gone and mourning him and having my heart break for my brother and SIL, I get to hate myself, too, for being so shallow as to think about how fat I am when I was trying to comfort people and help. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s ED talking when that happens. And it’s ED’s way of sticking around.

I’m really good at self flagellation. It’s a tough habit to kick.

Santa Cruz Sunset

Update

So we had a weekend. I wanted to say quiet and uneventful because compared to the past 2 months, it seemed so tame. However, it was neither quiet or uneventful. We had Chunguita’s birthday party on Saturday. She had six of her little friends over for it. It started out rocky. Piper didn’t enjoy playing school, so she came out and said she wanted to go home. I suggested musical chairs which caused Chunguita to burst into tears. We finally got the girls settled down for lunch, but Chunguita was still crying. I suggested that we go to the park after lunch, and DH said they could make a movie while they were there. That perked her up. The rest of the party went well. She very much enjoyed the trip to the park, watching her new movie, playing a treasure hunt game, opening presents, eating cake, and smashing a piñata.

Pulguito was hanging out in his room watching movies on a portable DVD player and napping. He had a tummy bug, was running a temperature of 101F/39C, and had thrown up 4 times the night before.

Sunday was more sunny than cloudy, but I didn’t spend much time outside. I just don’t have much energy or enthusiasm to do much. I want to get my sewing/crafting area cleaned up, and even that seems to much to do. I ran a few errands, did laundry, and cut up the week’s veggies w/DH.

And I called Eina. It is just so sad. They are glad to be at home, but … and it’s a big but. They ache for Diego. My heart breaks for them. She works for Sun, and they’ve been very supportive of her missing work. She has been able to use vacation, bereavement leave, and sick leave, so she’s still getting a paycheck and will for a while. She’s hoping to get laid off and get the severence package. That would give her another 6 months of income and time before she has to start worrying about paying the mortgage and eating and what not. She says that Jack is avoiding everything playing a computer game he likes.

I just can’t imagine how awful it must be. I know how it is for me, and … well, it must be so much worse for them.

Santa Cruz Sunset

I’m not just a book snob. I’m snobby about all sorts of stuff.

What Kind of Reader Are You?

Your Result: Book Snob
 

You like to think you’re one of the literati, but actually you’re just a snob who can read. You read mostly for the social credit you can get out of it.

Literate Good Citizen
 
Dedicated Reader
 
Obsessive-Compulsive Bookworm
 
Fad Reader
 
Non-Reader
 
What Kind of Reader Are You?
Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

Burda Plus Magazine

Wowza! :working: I just got my Spring 2009 edition of Burda Plus, and I’m enthralled. I like both the 423 jacket and 403 trousers. The jacket is a basic jacket with some elements similar to my favorite style, jeans jackets, and the pants are trousers with a princess seam and pockets. I like my current pants pattern, but because of my extremely short front crotch length and the yoke on those pants, I think this will be a better option for me.

I like this sheath dress. Not that I’ve made a sheath in the past, but maybe this one!

This long shirt is nice, too. And there’s no reason why it has to be so long.

This may be the straight skirt for me. It is supposed to come down below the knees, so I shall have to lengthen it being long of leg. I would replace the facing with petersham ribbon.