I’m so tired of you dragging me down. I will be free of you. I will stop listening to you.
You are hateful, and you hurt me. You say ugly things and try to make me feel less than human.
I am not you, but we have been together for a very long time. I used to think you made me stronger, that you were a good tool that helped me cope, and sometimes, you were. However, you have caused me more damage than any benefit you’ve given me.
I’m notscared anymore, when I think of facing challenges without you.
The pill dispensor gave me a version of Burns Depression Checklist. I felt like I was halfway between 2 of the ratings, go I gave myself a rating of 1/2. She’s had 100s of people fill them out, and I’m the only one who has ever rated herself or himself with a 1/2. :contemplative:
It was 107F42/C in our backyard yesterday. :hot: :thirsty:
Today is supposed to be much cooler, only 100F/38C.
Oh, and if anyone is thinking that it’s not the heat, it’s the humidity, our humidity peaked at 90% yesterday.
I am old!
How did that happen?
We were at the American River and climbed down to it so we could swim and float in the raft. There are 3 people there already, 2 men and a woman, all in their early 20s. They were sitting right in the spot where one could walk into the river. It was the only flat spot, so of course, they put their chairs there.
Pulguito asked how to get into the river.
I said, “You can walk between those 2 boys.”
Last weekend, we visited an old friend. She looked awful. She could barely walk. She’d lost a lot of weight, and her arms and face had many scabs on them. I snooped in her kitchen and discovered that she was on a liquid diet again. The last time she was on a liquid diet, she only consumed 1/4 to a 1/3 of the packets of whatever that stuff is that are recommended/prescribed per day. That makes her calorie consumption lower than 1000 cal/day. The scabs are from self-mutilation (aka cutting). She does not have medical insurance.
Did I confront her? No, I’m not up to it. And I don’t believe it would change things. I believe that, aside from the cutting, she thinks that she is being healthy by not eating. She’s overweight, but that wouldn’t matter. Someone who is 66 inches tall and weighs 80 pounds thinks she needs to lose weight if she’s got an eating disorder. It will take some serious intervention and considerable therapy to change things for her, if, and it’s a big if, she wants to change things.
Someday I will get some new pix up.
The end of the school year is very busy for us, and besides I discovered facebook.
Today, we invited Trent over, but he never called back. Katie did come over to play with Chunguita. Katie is a little afraid of Lily, but she loves Bruno.
My head hurts, and the sheetrock is all hung in the garage.
June 4th is also known as Festival De Crunch, during the celebration it is custom for the Crunchies to go out to eat with their Co-workers. :grinnod:
Back on topic … yeah, right.
Last night, I’m goofing off on facebook, and Pulguito is watching a Star Wars movie in my craft area. All of a sudden, I hear Chunguita screaming and crying. What could possibly be happening, I wonder; after all, Pulguito is no where near Chunguita. I run thru the house and find Lily pinned under DH. DH is scolding Lily (who seems totally unmoved), and Chunguita is crying. :disappointed:
“What happened?” I ask.
“LilyhadBruno’srawhideandItriedtotakeitawayfromherandshegrowledandbitme!” Chunguita cried.
Which explained why DH had Lily pinned and was growling at her. I wondered if he nipped her back. Anyway, DH couldn’t get Bruno’s rawhide out of Lily’s mouth, and after a bit more chastisement, he put Lily outside (aka isolation from the pack). I didn’t think Lily should get to keep the rawhide, so I went outside, pried her mouth open by pinching her lips so that they squeezed under her back teeth which forces her to open her mouth a bit or bite herself, and I took the rawhide away from her.
Poor Lily, she doesn’t understand the pack order in our house. Well, she thinks she should be above Chunguita and Pulguito and Bruno. And, I think, pack hierarchy is determined between the individuals, so she occasionally makes the mistake of asserting herself to Chunguita or Pulguito. Then she gets it from me or DH, and I’m not sure that this really makes sense to her. Ah, well, she did learn that Chunguita and Pulguito get to sit on the furniture and that she does not.
Fortunately, situations like this are very rare for us.
The last week or so has been brutal for a number of reasons. However, part of the agony was self-inflicted. I started a new exercise routine and did it 2 days in a row. I was so sore that I could barely walk. :bored:
One of the thought distortions common in eating disorders is “perfectionism”. I’ve talked about this wrt exercise before. So, in an attempt to reorder my thinking about “exercise”, I decided that I would try stepping up and down on a step aerobic step while watching Heroes on my computer. I had 8 episodes of Heroes languishing on Tivo, so it made sense to me that I could use this as an opportunity to do something that I like, i.e. watch Heroes, that is something that I consider to be a pleasure. And while I’m watching Heroes, I can step, too.
So, I did the stepping thing last Wednesday and last Thursday. I was so sore Friday in the muscles in my calves that I could barely walk.
I was still very sore on Saturday which I spent 10 hours on my feet, hawking Decades of Style patterns at Maker Faire.
Good news: I stepped again this morning and have no soreness (yet?).